God gave me a clear instruction: 'Follow me'. Have I dropped everything and done just that? Do I love him first and foremost in my life, forsaking everything, even my closest relationships? I know a true disciple is prepared to forsake his family and his career for him alone. Am I a Christian doctor bearing spiritual fruit in serving Jesus, or simply a nominal Christian serving my title as a doctor?

Two trains

At the 2008 ICMDA conference in Austria a prophetic word was shared that truly touched my heart. There were two trains heading in opposite directions. The first was filled with many people, hurrying off to do their business. It was crowded and busy. The second train was practically empty with only a few people entering inside: those who wisely considered their way.

The vision was not about the lost and saved. The vision was, and is, for us as God's people. It vividly describes our need to enter by the narrow gate. It is a prophetic warning from the Holy Spirit to us all. It speaks of busyness, dead works, and going in the wrong direction.

Busyness or disobedience?

Medicine may be a noble, self sacrificing and demanding career but are we truly vessels ready and available for the Master's use? Am I busy building my career, pursuing my ambitions, concerned for my reputation? Am I busy being a good, successful and respectable doctor? Yet no-one is good but God alone. All my works are but filthy rags if they are not the works of love wrought in faith.

How often do I find myself busy doing many seemingly worthy things, diligently doing them, but am I serving, have I perceived the higher calling? To listen and obey him as Mary did, sitting at the Lord's feet. 1 Have I been so busy and distracted that I have neglected to stop, to listen and to obey? I may be on the Christian platform but am I in the train marked 'God's ways'?

My achievements: dead works?

God's view of my life's work is certainly sobering and refreshing. '..All labour and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbour. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.' 2 He wants me to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness before all other things. He wants me to do his will, serving wholeheartedly in all that I do, whether seen or unseen, appreciated or not. I now realise that unless I surrender my present life I cannot ever hope to find eternal life.

Many turn away because what the Lord asks will be too much of a sacrifice. It will be too difficult to accept his life and let go of our own. We are to exchange our lives for his life so we can experience life in all its fullness. Could it be that what I do or say in my professional life could be 'evil' even though it has all the appearances of good? Even the most fastidious and well meaning work can be abominable in the sight of our God if it is not done in faith for his glory.

Amos bewailed the ritualistic worship of God by his people. For them, religion was only something to be practised in the presence of a priest, on specific days or in a special place. The rest of the time they violated God's commandments, utterly disregarding justice, righteousness and purity. God's reaction to such conduct was disgust and rejection: 'I hate, I despise your religious festivals; your assemblies are a stench to me. Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them.' 3

God does not want our dead works, our empty sacrifices. He wants to live in us and for us to live our lives through him. This is the acceptable sacrifice.

Reputation and the wrong direction

Why am I concerned about my reputation when Jesus 'made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness'? 4 Shunning reputation and becoming a servant is a choice. I need to decrease so that he may increase. 5 I need to be prepared for humble service as I progress in my medical career and into a role of godly leadership. Only then will I begin to head in the right direction: God's way, the way of Life.

He knows our deeds and our reputations for being alive but warns some of us that we are spiritually dead. I may have all the hallmarks of being a good doctor who is a Christian, but what does the Lord say? 'Wake up!' I need to awaken from a busy agenda with its attitudes of self justification and proud works. I need to listen and obey his words of instruction because the way that seems right to me may lead to death. May God help me to hear the warning signals, not being so preoccupied with my own life nor so proud of heart that I fail to acknowledge I just might be on a crowded train going in the wrong direction.