Nucleus has played host to quite a few elective reports in the past and now I am about to add my tuppen’orth to the collection! I went to Luampa, a small mission hospital in the west corner of Zambia which is tiny, only 53 beds due to money shortages. Medical staff include one permanent doctor from the US and two part-timers from Europe. There are a few Western nurses, but most of the staff is Zambian, however, all are Christians. I had my own ward and outpatient clinic and even did some surgery of my own. I had a translator, a wonderful Zambian called Oliver who could speak six languages and became a close friend, taking me to churches with him and visiting families in the nearby outpatient compound of straw huts.

I could tell you many weird and wonderful stories, for example the time when the Zambian President made us a gift of 70,000,000 kwacha (£14,000) after much prayer about our lack of funds, or the beautiful little children dying of AIDS or malaria, all cheerful and giggly and coy until the end drew near. I could tell you about the mobile clinics in an ancient Land Rover to the outlying villages, weighing little warm bundles in a basket hanging off a dead mango tree with the glory of the Zambian floodplains stretching far beyond, with great purple banks of cloud swelling on the horizon like distant warheads.

However, rather than just reporting on the adventures (of which there were many!) I will tell you about God instead, and how he can really use these times to change us and challenge us. Although I loved the medical and village life at Luampa, and it inspired me to think about long-term mission life, the greatest lesson I learnt was not medical, but spiritual.

Off on the wrong foot

I went to Africa alone. First I went on a blissful two-week safari where, I am ashamed to say, I neglected my quiet times with the Lord, seeing and doing too many incredible things to make time to pray seriously or read my Bible. As a consequence, I was out of touch with God, dropped my guard and made myself an easy target for Satan to tempt into sin (1 Pet 5:8). I disobeyed God. By the time I got to Luampa I was far from him, and what is more, I knew it and was unrepentant.

God knows what is best and he is the wisest of the wise. He had sent me to a place where there was little pastoral care and where my disability (profound deafness) caused many problems that seemed insurmountable because I wasn’t giving them all to him. I found it hard to communicate with people as there were so many different accents and the Zambians talk very fast! My inward struggles were many, as my heart was hard, and I felt the distance from my Lord keenly, but I didn’t want to talk to him or ask for his help as I would have to confess, and I was ashamed of myself.

Learning dependence

As the first few weeks went by I became more and more lonely and felt my weakness and helplessness almost more than I could bear, and I was close to giving up. Having no-one to turn to for comfort or sustenance far away in Africa, I was finally forced to turn to him, against whom I had sinned, for help. It was so hard to humble myself before him, but I found him who has sworn never to forsake me, to be the greatest comforter of all. How can God forsake me and leave me alone in my misery, when my name is carved on the skin of his palms (Is 49:15-16), when he has bought me with his blood (Rev 5:9)? God in his mercy brought me low, and gave me emptiness, so that I might realise with full force, my desperate need of him. And once I began to turn my face again to him, what terrible tenderness I found in that divine countenance, and how sweet the knowledge of full and free forgiveness. Once again walking besides God, I found the burden of loneliness and fear and disability so much easier to carry, as Jesus had placed it on his own broad shoulders, and I found the grace to persevere. My elective went on to become one of the most satisfying and fulfilling times of my whole life, rich in amazing experiences and the never-failing grace of God.

God allows the valleys in our lives out of his great love for us. He puts us in the refiner’s fire so that we can come forth as gold. Having sunk so low, I can now truly appreciate the depths of Jesus’ love, how far he was prepared to descend, to rescue such as I. I am the better for my troubles; suffering indeed breeds perseverance (Rom 5:3-5), the God-given strength to keep on travelling the narrow road, despite the stumbles. The true test of faith comes in getting back up off the ground, repenting and setting off again after him who goes ahead. This in turn breeds character; I am now more of a battle-scarred veteran against the wiles of Satan than the fresher-faced inexperienced soldier I was.

This God-given character breeds hope; I am now more certain than ever of my hope of heaven, I long for it more now as I know that there, I will never fail again, I will be perfect. I am more certain now that God’s promises do not fail; as he promised, I have been brought safely through the storms by his wisdom and grace. I was shown great and unsearchable things I had dimly understood from others’ experience, but now I know them for myself (Jer 33:3). God’s grace was sufficient for me, his power was made perfect in my weakness (1 Cor 12:9) as it was his power alone that restored me to the joy of his salvation. I know now that all I need to get through the trials and tribulations of a fallen world are God’s presence and God’s grace, if I will only remember them and call on him.

I could have avoided much pain and made even more of my elective if I had taken the time, especially at the beginning, to make sure I was still in intimate contact with God. God had prepared much for me to learn at Luampa; a greater understanding of the power of our enemy; and how easily we fall if we let our guard down even for a moment. I understand better that I am fighting the hidden powers and authorities, the ones who make the highway of holiness seem hard and long and lonely, who make prayer seem like a chore, who tempt us with kingdoms and riches, who urge us to give in when things seem too hard, to give up.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 warns us: ‘Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be men of courage. Be strong.’ It is absolutely vital to keep in step with God, especially when far from the usual means of help and encouragement. It is imperative that we keep praying, keep studying God’s word, keep talking with him. I cannot stress this too strongly. It is so easy, when away from the support of home and the things that constrain us, to be proud and think we can make it on our own for a while. We cannot. Wherever we go, Satan lies in wait, looking for the chink in our armour, wanting us to sin, to avoid God, to mistrust his word, to try and do it alone.

However, if we fail and Satan seems to triumph, we can still take heart, for he who is for us is greater than those who are against us. Satan may win this skirmish, but God has already won the war. How high and deep and wide is the love of Christ, who died for us while we were still sinners, so that we are not lost despite our failures, if we repent. God in his mercy brings much good out of evil, however, it is better by far not to sin. We are encouraged to resist to the point of shedding our blood (Heb 12:4), but this is only possible if we are fighting with God’s weapons, not our own (Eph 6:10-17). I have learned that we must take these weapons with us everywhere we go, and especially on electives and holidays, where we need them sorely.

‘To him who is able to keep you from falling and present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and for evermore. Amen.’ (Jude 24)