Jesus should always be the model for how we treat people. If we consider his life, we see that he generally did not spend his time with the rich, the famous, the powerful or the self-righteous. He spent his time with the lepers, the prostitutes, the foreigners, the tax collectors, the outcasts - the sinners. How did he treat them, especially in relation to their sinfulness?

1. As individuals
2. He forgave them (Lk 5:20)
3. He had compassion on them (Lk 7:13)
4. He accepted them (Lk 7:37-50)
5. He made clear the consequences of sin (to crowds) (Lk 13:3)
6. He told them to stop sinning (Jn 8:3-11)

From this we have a basis for how to react to particular sins in our friends' lives. We are to witness to Jesus, to let something of him show as our lives are transformed into his likeness, to show his love and compassion to the world, to be its salt and light. By being supporting, loving and forgiving to our friends, by letting our lifestyles show them a different way of living, we can reach out to them and make our verbal witnessing more effective and credible.

Churches are preoccupied with sexual sin and seem (perhaps due to media coverage) to regard this as worse than other sins. What do we do about other sins in non-Christians around us, about greed or pride or idolatry? Generally nothing. Whereas the Bible does indicate that sexual sin is in some way unique (1 Cor 6:18-20), we must be very careful not to be blinded to other sins.

We need to be very careful not to go around looking for sin in other people and pointing it out. Neither should we judge them (Mt 7:1-5). Sometimes it is very difficult to find that fine line between knowing that sin is there and judging the sinner. We need to remind ourselves that we are only made righteous by God's generous grace to us and not by any merit or effort (Rom 3:22-24). Many single Christians have great difficulty with celibacy and none of us is perfect yet. Bringing others to the realisation of sin and to repentance is not our responsibility neither is it something we are capable of, it is the work of the Holy Spirit (Jn 16:8).

How then should we act towards our friends in this situation? Obviously this depends on the quality of friendship and the personalities involved. It also depends on how you know that they are sleeping with their boy/girlfriend. If this is due to surmise or gossip, then the subject is very awkward. However, if the friend tells you directly it would be wise to discuss the whole subject there and then (or to bring it up slightly later if the time is inappropriate). To act as though nothing has happened is probably dishonest and damaging in most cases. However, to condemn bluntly and inconsiderately is clearly wrong. To go looking for a confrontation ready to rebuke, having heard from someone else, is also unwise and likely to do more damage than good. We need to find a middle way, showing care and love yet challenging the ideology of the culture we live in. The exact practicalities of this are probably unique to each situation and require much prayerful consideration if there is the time, or at least a quick cry for help! This perhaps means that we need to be prepared by having considered beforehand what we might say in such a predicament.

There may also be practical problems to address such as having (what may amount to) an additional flatmate, the feelings of other people living in the flat and the difficulty of trying to sleep in the next room. Perhaps a decision in the flat not to have boy or girlfriends sleep over is appropriate in some cases. Can we live in the same flat with a clear conscience? Does living there amount to condoning it? I don't think so. Jesus ate with sinners, an action considered at that time to be identifying himself with them, but he clearly did not approve of their sinful behaviour. In general, I think that moving out of a flat because one of the other people is sleeping with their boy/girlfriend is probably too drastic a measure, especially considering the difficulties of finding affordable accommodation, however, this must be a personal choice.

As medical students, I think we have a responsibility to talk to these friends about contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases. This is an area in which some of us may have difficulties, but I think that it is part of caring for our friends. This may be a less threatening way than just heading right into 'I believe sex outside marriage is wrong', but without being too deceptive. Perhaps we also need to discuss the emotional and spiritual aspects of sex. The Bible talks about sex being the joining together of husband and wife as one, which involves all aspects of each person, something that should be taken seriously. If we believe then that casual sexual relationships are harmful, emotionally and spiritually, don't we also have a responsibility to warn our friends?

I don't want you to read this and think that I have got it all worked out. This is something I have difficulty with. However, we have to deal with issues such as this if we are to live in the real world and not some fairy tale or Christian ghetto. We must live in the world but not conform to its standards (Rom 12:2). When this seems hard, let us remember that God chooses the weak and foolish things (1 Cor 1:27-29) and that he provides the wisdom and strength.