How did I come to be in Russia? This is a question which often pops into my head. If someone had told me a couple of years ago that I would go to Russia (a country which I believed had little to offer me), that I would have the most amazing time, and would want to return, I would have laughed…a very loud laugh. Never in a million years could I have envisioned the kind of experiences that I was blessed with and I praise God for that.

first steps

I became a committed Christian in February 2006. I had a Christian background, but was never a true believer. I didn't understand what Jesus was really about. It was only after my first time at the National Students' Conference and reading Cure for Life by Bernard Palmer that things began to fall into place. Something clicked in my head and deep down, despite my resistance, I knew that it was true; I had to make a commitment to Jesus. It was the best thing I ever did! However, I still struggled afterwards within myself for a while. It felt like there was a fight raging between my old self and the new self that was trying to emerge. I really wanted to do something, but I didn't know what.

At the conference I had heard about CMF summer teams. The idea appealed to me but I didn't take any positive steps and the enthusiasm fizzled out - I soon forgot about it. Then a few months later, I received an email from CMF regarding a summer team to Samara. Usually I would just say 'no', but something made me reply saying the opposite. I was unsure of whether I would be suitable. After all, I was a new Christian, didn't know that much of the Bible and believed that I wouldn't have much to offer the team or the students. I prayed about it after receiving a reassuring reply from CMF and decided to go…and I'm glad I did. Russia was a real life-changing experience for me!

Before actually going, most of the team met at the CMF office to plan. We agreed that each of the three students (Sharon, Sarah and I) should do something for an English Night. Someone suggested that one of us should give our testimony. I really hoped that one of the other girls would do that, as I don't enjoy speaking in front of people, but in the end I reluctantly agreed.

Something scared me about telling people how I came to know Christ. I had given my testimony only once before at our medical school CMF social, quite reluctantly then as well! This was not a true account of the kind of difference Christ made in me. I didn't want to talk about the kind of person I used to be, and more or less told them what I thought they would want to hear. I resolved that in Samara I would be honest and not try to make myself look good, but simply glorify God. I remember praying so hard about it - I mean really hard. I kept praying over and over again that I would speak the truth and that it would resonate with someone who heard it.

So I earnestly set about typing up what I would say, but each draft seemed cheesier than the last. Part of me felt that perhaps I could get away with that kind of stuff in Russia. Not completely satisfied, but no longer caring that much, I printed it off and packed it in my luggage.

from panic to peace

It was the day before English Night and I wasn't that nervous as I had my typed up testimony to read from. I decided to go and have a quick read of it again. I looked in my suitcase and opened the folder where I kept all my papers. It wasn't there. I looked in my huge backpack in all the pockets. It wasn't there. I looked in my suitcase again, but this time under all the clothes. Nope, wasn't there. I began to panic. Where could I have left it? I had seen it in my folder before when I had been looking for other stuff, so I knew I had it, but where? I told myself that I was bound to find it; I had plenty of time before tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and still no sign. I had lost it. I really began to get nervous now. The typed up testimony had been very structured and me speaking freely was a very unstructured affair. My mind tends to go blank at critical moments when I'm nervous.

The time was quickly approaching. Sharon was singing 'As the deer' in the most beautiful way. I remember praying, 'Please help me. I don't know what to say. I'm going to look like an idiot, and it's all going to come out wrong. Please give me the words to say. Amen.' I wanted to cry. The combination of Sharon's sweet voice and my anxiety was just a bit too much. The person next to me sensed that I was really anxious, and whispered, 'Jesus is with you'. I thought, 'I really hope he is, otherwise I'm stuffed!' I went up, took a deep breath and started speaking.

I can't remember entirely what I said, but as I spoke about the way Jesus had changed my life, I begun to relax. I finished giving my testimony and English Night continued with games and laughs. Later that night I thanked God when I heard that a woman in the audience had been in tears, saying how my testimony reminded her of herself. I now realise how powerful testimony can be, and the importance of being real and honest with people.

lessons learnt

My time in Samara made me look at myself through different eyes. It made me think about my relationship with God and how I still try to control so many parts of my life. Surrendering my life to God has been very difficult and I know that it comes down to trust. It's one thing saying I trust God, but it's another thing actually stepping out in faith knowing God has got you. I love the verse in James that says 'As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.' (Jas 2:26) It's not just about words, but actions as well.

I have certainly matured in the months afterwards. The presence of the Holy Spirit within me has been amazing, and letting him guide and teach me has been exciting and challenging. I feel more willing to talk to my friends about Jesus; instead of feeling embarrassed, I feel peace, knowing that I'm following the only person who could ever make me truly happy – Jesus.

Summer teams are such a great idea. I had never heard about them before, but it's a wonderful opportunity to meet students in another part of the world, to learn from each other and have lots of fun as well. The teams tend to be made up of doctors and students. The doctors give talks and seminars and the students make friends with other students and share themselves with them. I didn't need any special qualifications; as long as I was honest and open I found that I could offer something to the team and to others I met. The team were such a great bunch of people, each with different gifts and we got along so well.

I went back to Samara in December 2006 to meet up with some of the friends I made on the camp. I hope that this is the beginning of a wonderful relationship with Samara.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.' (Is 30:21)